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3

I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.

Should I:

1. describe, as in:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

2. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

3. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.




4. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.

technique language profanity

share|improve this question

edited 1 hour ago

mbadawi23

asked 1 hour ago

mbadawi23mbadawi23

2967

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mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Number one. Use your first choice.
  
  – DPT
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.
  
  – mbadawi23
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.
  
  – DPT
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

3

I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.

Should I:

1. describe, as in:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

2. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

3. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.




4. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.

technique language profanity

share|improve this question

edited 1 hour ago

mbadawi23

asked 1 hour ago

mbadawi23mbadawi23

2967

New contributor

mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Number one. Use your first choice.
  
  – DPT
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  In every situation? do you think I could work that in? The above is just an example. In fact, there is no door slamming in this story, yet.
  
  – mbadawi23
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Write it, and keep looking around for additional ways to communicate it. "He yelled an expletive, and his mother said, "Grounded. no F-bombs under my roof." Keep at it. That's the nature of the game.
  
  – DPT
  1 hour ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

I'm writing a story that I'd like younger readers to pick up. I and they know and understand that some situations are far better expressed with one f-word than a thousand milder ones. I'm keeping my narrative clean, but when I write the dialogue, I don't know what to do.

Should I:

1. describe, as in:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. Charlie exploded with profanity that pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

2. or should I use made-up terms, such as frak from Battlestar Galactica:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "FRAK" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

3. also, I could use a milder word like crap, shoot, and the likes.




4. Alternatively, I could replace with a place holder, as in:

Tommy slammed the door on Charlie's fingers. "< EXPLETIVE >" Charlie exploded. The eruption pierced their mother's ears downstairs.

Note
I've read answers like this one ("you have to eat before you [deficate]".) But that waters down the expression a lot for what I want.

technique language profanity

share|improve this question

edited 1 hour ago

mbadawi23

asked 1 hour ago

mbadawi23mbadawi23

2967

New contributor

mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

share|improve this question

edited 1 hour ago

mbadawi23

asked 1 hour ago

mbadawi23mbadawi23

2967

New contributor

mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

share|improve this question

edited 1 hour ago

mbadawi23

asked 1 hour ago

mbadawi23mbadawi23

2967

New contributor

mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

asked 1 hour ago

mbadawi23mbadawi23

2967

New contributor

mbadawi23 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

asked 1 hour ago

mbadawi23mbadawi23

2967

2 Answers
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7

Each usage has its place.

#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.

#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.

#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.

#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

GalastelGalastel

35.9k6107191

add a comment | 

3

Maybe you can use a spoonerism?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism

However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).

For example:

Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".

Check this example as a reference:

Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

repomonsterrepomonster

2,0941135

add a comment | 

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7

Each usage has its place.

#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.

#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.

#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.

#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

GalastelGalastel

35.9k6107191

add a comment | 

7

Each usage has its place.

#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.

#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.

#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.

#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

GalastelGalastel

35.9k6107191

add a comment | 

Each usage has its place.

#1 is most commonly used in such situations. Even if you're not writing for children, you don't necessarily want every bit of cursing. Sometimes telling that the character used a strong word is enough, or even more effective, than actually spelling out what exactly he said.

#2 has place when you're writing for adults, who would know what you're hiding, but you still wish to keep a cleaner tongue. This solution only makes sense in speculative fiction - not in a story set in our here-and-now.

#3 might be in character for the person doing the cursing. Some people automatically resort to the milder words - that's how they've been raised, that's their natural vocabulary. If that is the case for the particular character, feel free to use it. Make sure it matches the rest of the characterisation though.

#4 if you use that, you are throwing the reader out of the immersion in your story. You are presenting the reader with a meta element - an in-story word has been visibly blacked-out outside. Terry Pratchett used this for comedic effect, with a hardened criminal who was literally saying '--ing' all the time. This is a tool you'd want to apply very carefully though, while being aware that you are throwing the reader out of the story - only do it if this is the deliberate effect you're seeking.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

GalastelGalastel

35.9k6107191

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

GalastelGalastel

35.9k6107191

answered 1 hour ago

GalastelGalastel

35.9k6107191

answered 1 hour ago

GalastelGalastel

35.9k6107191

3

Maybe you can use a spoonerism?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism

However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).

For example:

Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".

Check this example as a reference:

Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

repomonsterrepomonster

2,0941135

add a comment | 

3

Maybe you can use a spoonerism?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism

However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).

For example:

Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".

Check this example as a reference:

Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

repomonsterrepomonster

2,0941135

add a comment | 

Maybe you can use a spoonerism?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism

However, I am not sure if there's any unintended effect it may have (it could make the excerpt unintentionally funny).

For example:

Instead of saying "F**k this!", your character could say: "Tuck
fhis!".

Check this example as a reference:

Similarly to the above example, "Buck Fama" is a popular slogan in the
(often contentious) rivalry between Louisiana State University and the
University of Alabama (commonly shortened to Bama). This slogan can be
heard very often from LSU fans.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

repomonsterrepomonster

2,0941135

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

repomonsterrepomonster

2,0941135

answered 1 hour ago

repomonsterrepomonster

2,0941135

answered 1 hour ago

repomonsterrepomonster

2,0941135